So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
