I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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