oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
