My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
