pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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