i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
