omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This baby is an asshole
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
