we made out on top of his cat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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