So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
