just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
