you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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