I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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