I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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