I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
