I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
