You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
