i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
