this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize