Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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