At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
