You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize