Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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