I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
