I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ketchup is God's man juice
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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