there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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