Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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