I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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