The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
