Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
