Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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