Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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