Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
