My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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