I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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