Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My feet surprised me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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