the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the condom got lost in my hair
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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