I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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