Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
