When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
