Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
