I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
