I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
