we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I love you. Go after that dick
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