Do you still have your period?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize