now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
