Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
