im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
50% drunk capacity currently
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
