So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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