The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
