Apparently you make a good broom.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
