Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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