I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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