so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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