party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
