May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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