textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
