I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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