***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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