the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
