I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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