My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ttyl tear gas
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Come share oat with me in your robe
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
