At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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