remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
