I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
