We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
