I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
