the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
