whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
