I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
