i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
