I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
