I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
