Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
