I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
