the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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