Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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