My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize