After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
