My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
