Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
