worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You left your phone here
Wait...
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