how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
